My Life...the candid version Wrap Up
I wanted to address the main traumatic events that I've been through and what I did wrong and right with each situation. Please know, I absolutely realize that each person is totally different, but I just wanted to give some things to think about if you're dealing with these things and feeling lost. Also, if you know of someone that could benefit from my story, please share my blog with them. Also, if you or anyone you know would like to talk or just have someone to cry to/with, please use or pass along my email address alij1217@yahoo.com and I'll be happy to give you or them my phone number or we can just email!
First thing was dealing with being raped. The first time I was raped, I was in high school and I don't think I told anyone until I told my husband before we were married. The second time, I was in college and told a few people, but it was quickly swept under the rug and "forgotten" about. What I did wrong was that I didn't deal with it. To deal with something can mean a wide variety of things. You may need to confront the person that raped you, you may need to tell a parent or loved one, you may need to report it to police, or you may need to seek counseling. If you're dealing with this and want to talk to someone that doesn't know you, I'd be honored and humbled to talk to you and try to help you through it. I can't promise to have the right things to say or know what to tell you, but I'd love to listen to your story and try and work through it together and I will absolutely keep everything in the strictest of confidence!
Next, I had to deal with my abortion. There are many misconceptions about abortion that really need to be cleared up. For one thing, of all the people that I know that have had an abortion, they suffer from emotional turmoil for years after or even the rest of their life. Also, I know I felt that I didn't have a right to mourn the loss of my child, but I did and you do too! No matter what the circumstances around your abortion are, it's a loss that you need to mourn. I went through a Bible study specifically for post-abortion ladies and I highly recommend it...it's called Forgiven and Set Free. If you can't find a group or aren't comfortable with a group...work through it on your own. I'd also be happy to go through it with you if you want a one-on-one environment. Again, you have to deal with it though in some way. Pretending like it didn't happen and/or lying about it...I did both...aren't going to take the pain away, and in fact, make it worse. Again, dealing with it can mean a variety of things whether you need counseling or to talk to a loved one. If you need someone that you don't know, I'd be more than happy, honored, and humbled to talk to you and listen to your story and help you figure out where you are and try to work through it. You can trust that your story and whatever you told me would be kept between you and me!
Lastly, the loss of my mom. I sincerely can't even rate my experiences in terms of one being worse than another because they're all uniquely horrible. What I can say is that when dealing with death, for me, I had to just take time. I survived the immediate days and weeks after with phone calls from friends and surrounding myself with family. I didn't want to be around or talk to most people for a long time though. I went through the motions of life for a while. I cried at the most bizarre things and yet other things that "should have" made me sad didn't. I was very lucky to have an understanding boss and a supportive husband and friends. The mistake I made though is that I didn't allow myself to cry as much as I wanted or needed to. It caused some problems with anger and I eventually had to face it and work through it.
The biggest thing I can say is that everyone is different and has to deal with things differently, but please don't make my mistake and try to avoid things...deal with them and work through them. If you don't feel like you have anyone that you can talk to or to help you through it, please feel free to contact me! I may not have the answers, but I would love to be able to use my painful situations to help you. Whether you're a Christian or not, I have no judgement and will not push my beliefs on you! Thanks for sticking through my story and I hope something somewhere along the way has touched you or helped you even if in the smallest of ways!
First thing was dealing with being raped. The first time I was raped, I was in high school and I don't think I told anyone until I told my husband before we were married. The second time, I was in college and told a few people, but it was quickly swept under the rug and "forgotten" about. What I did wrong was that I didn't deal with it. To deal with something can mean a wide variety of things. You may need to confront the person that raped you, you may need to tell a parent or loved one, you may need to report it to police, or you may need to seek counseling. If you're dealing with this and want to talk to someone that doesn't know you, I'd be honored and humbled to talk to you and try to help you through it. I can't promise to have the right things to say or know what to tell you, but I'd love to listen to your story and try and work through it together and I will absolutely keep everything in the strictest of confidence!
Next, I had to deal with my abortion. There are many misconceptions about abortion that really need to be cleared up. For one thing, of all the people that I know that have had an abortion, they suffer from emotional turmoil for years after or even the rest of their life. Also, I know I felt that I didn't have a right to mourn the loss of my child, but I did and you do too! No matter what the circumstances around your abortion are, it's a loss that you need to mourn. I went through a Bible study specifically for post-abortion ladies and I highly recommend it...it's called Forgiven and Set Free. If you can't find a group or aren't comfortable with a group...work through it on your own. I'd also be happy to go through it with you if you want a one-on-one environment. Again, you have to deal with it though in some way. Pretending like it didn't happen and/or lying about it...I did both...aren't going to take the pain away, and in fact, make it worse. Again, dealing with it can mean a variety of things whether you need counseling or to talk to a loved one. If you need someone that you don't know, I'd be more than happy, honored, and humbled to talk to you and listen to your story and help you figure out where you are and try to work through it. You can trust that your story and whatever you told me would be kept between you and me!
Lastly, the loss of my mom. I sincerely can't even rate my experiences in terms of one being worse than another because they're all uniquely horrible. What I can say is that when dealing with death, for me, I had to just take time. I survived the immediate days and weeks after with phone calls from friends and surrounding myself with family. I didn't want to be around or talk to most people for a long time though. I went through the motions of life for a while. I cried at the most bizarre things and yet other things that "should have" made me sad didn't. I was very lucky to have an understanding boss and a supportive husband and friends. The mistake I made though is that I didn't allow myself to cry as much as I wanted or needed to. It caused some problems with anger and I eventually had to face it and work through it.
The biggest thing I can say is that everyone is different and has to deal with things differently, but please don't make my mistake and try to avoid things...deal with them and work through them. If you don't feel like you have anyone that you can talk to or to help you through it, please feel free to contact me! I may not have the answers, but I would love to be able to use my painful situations to help you. Whether you're a Christian or not, I have no judgement and will not push my beliefs on you! Thanks for sticking through my story and I hope something somewhere along the way has touched you or helped you even if in the smallest of ways!
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