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Showing posts from 2012

As 2012 has ended...

As 2012 has ended and 2013 is beginning, I am called to reflect on this past year. As with all the 33 years I've lived, each one brings good times and bad times. This year brought one of the worst, darkest times in my life...the death of my mom. It also started out on a bad note with mine and my mom's health not being the best. However, it started out with my husband having a permanent job locally and no longer having to travel. It also was the end of my mom's suffering and the beginning of her faith becoming a reality. As hard as it was to let go, I have hope and faith that I will see her again and I won't have to see her ever again in pain! This year has tested my faith not only in having my mom suffer and die, but in tribulations with family and friends. I have had the amazing experience, however, of becoming good friends with my sister-in-law, becoming closer with my brother, and getting to spend the last few months of my mom's life with her almost daily. I have

Hope in this crazy world

Life is tough. It doesn't seem to get easier as time goes on...only harder. Thankfully I'm learning to look for the bright spots whether it's a minute of a day or an entire day that I can keep with me to make me smile when I don't want to. This year has been the toughest so far and mostly for the obvious reason of not having my mom anymore. It's still so surreal to me that she's not here, but I have a great peace knowing not only that she's not suffering, but having the faith and hope that she's now with Jesus. I know not all of my friends share my beliefs and I would never want to push my beliefs on anyone else, but for me, without this hope, I don't know how I'd get through a lot of days! From the words of "Forgive Me" by Group1Crew... "You couldn't pay me to abandon the idea of true hope; That I could make it through this life into a place where there's no crying; I'm dying to find You with open arms when I go; Kno

Political Beliefs

I know I posted something similar a while back, but since this is the season for presidential election, I feel the need to post again. I am a registered Democrat. I am also a Christian. I don't think that being a Democrat means I can't be a Christian, which I've heard from many people. I am also opposed to abortion under any circumstances as well as people that are lazy and let our government support them. I also, however, KNOW that outlawing abortion isn't going to stop it. If you want to make a difference in our society or in an individual's life, hating them for something or outlawing something isn't going to stop it! I also believe that cutting all government assistance isn't the answer to making people go to work. People that want to work and support themselves and their families are going to do it whether they have to or not. The answer is making the requirements for such assistance more strict and making the people that are able to work actively seek

What's "Normal"?!?

So, it's been almost a month since my mom died, but even for a few months before that, life wasn't "normal"! She hadn't been able to go to church, to the store, anywhere really and was on a crazy high dose of pain meds. Since then, it's only gotten crazier! It has honestly been a big blur for me. I'm having a hard time remembering what day of the week it is often. For me, I'm left with mixed feelings of relief for her and an empty feeling for myself. My child has struggled with random spurts of crying and acting out along with potty accidents and my brother, Melissa, and I have been cleaning out mom's house. It seems Anabeth knowing it's OK for her to be sad and cry, is helping her deal with her feelings a little better. As for me, my emotions come out of nowhere it seems sometimes. It's strange going through someones life...especially without them there! I still am not able to look at pictures with my mom in them more than a glance. It doe

My Mom's Journey

It all began on March 21, 1955 when my mom was born the baby of her family. She taught herself to play the piano and organ so she could get involved with church at a young age. Around the age of 17 she married my dad and at age 18, she took in 3 of my cousins to raise so they wouldn't be separated in foster care. She had my brother soon after and then me 5 years after my brother. My mom worked 2 jobs often to make sure we were all taken care of. She never considered any of this a sacrifice, only what needed to be done! She worked for various doctors' offices over the years and when I was in elementary school, she decided to go to college. She worked the whole time she was in school making sure we had everything we needed! I remember my dad and her taking a trip to Mexico to teach and my brother and I stayed with my grandparents. That was the kind of experience my mom lived for. She always wanted to be a missionary and her only mistake was not realizing you can be a missionary w

The Journey to a New Beginning

I really am at a loss for everything that's happened since Sunday, March 20th. My mom went into the ER for considerable weight loss and not being able to swallow. We thought she's get a feeding tube and hopefully get help with being able to swallow. Monday they did an endoscopy to try and stretch her esophagus, however between her Scleroderma and lack of eating, there was no elasticity left. They planned to do a gastrostomy the following day for nutrition. Monday was an interesting day as she was very out of it from the sedation as well as something far more going on we didn't know about. Monday night, God just told me to go tell her I loved her so I did. She told me that she loved me too and those are the last words I heard her speak! About an hour later came her first seizure followed by 2 others that took a lot of medication to get under control. They did a CT scan and another test and found what appeared to be a lesion on the back of her brain. They scheduled and MRI fo

Political Craziness

Ok, so this has bothered me for quite some time so I guess I'll speak up about it. I can take a political joke as well as the next person and think it's pretty funny, regardless of the political party being made fun of. What I can't take, however, is people who make crazy assumptions because they believe they're right and everyone who thinks otherwise is wrong. I've been a registered democrat for a few years now, but I tell you in all honesty, I don't like the republican or democratic parties. Just because you're a democrat doesn't mean that you're lazy and accept or want hand outs. I can honestly tell you that I know more republicans that want a hand out than democrats. My husband and I work hard for what we have and what we want and don't expect anyone to give us anything. Neither of us would quit working to live off of someone else if given the option because we believe that we are responsible for our family and no one else is. I also know of

The DL on Me...In Five Ways

Sooo, my friend Lindsey just did a blog post like this and tagged me to answer her questions!  Here goes. Rules: Post the rules (that’d be these 5 things here.) Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post (below) Create at least 5 new question.  (Merp) Tag some peeps and link them to your post. Let em know they’ve been tagged! The questions (dun, dun duuuuun): 1.  What is your favorite quote and why? "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt I think I like this so much because it can be so easy to get down on yourself for things and having negative opinions from others makes it so much easier. We have to remember we were created in the image of God and though we'll never be perfect, we're always who we're suppose to be! 2.  What will you be doing in five years? What I would like to be doing in five years is having a craft business that would allow me to quit my job. I'm so not a desk job kind of pe

C'mon people!

Ok, so I have to get something off my chest.   I grew up in a relatively poor family…though I never knew I was poor.   I remember my parents working and going to school and my mom sometimes worked more than one job.   Nothing we ever had was given to us.   I grew up and went to college, got a job, and moved out on my own...nothing was ever handed to me and I’ve had to work for everything I have.   I am certainly not saying I’ve never needed financial help because I have, but I’ve always tried as hard as I can to do things on my own and not have to ask for help.   If I’ve ever had to get help, I’ve tried to pay it back in one way or another.   Since I’ve been married, Matt and I both work for what we have and haven’t been given anything.   We’ve had some help from our parents from time to time at the beginning when there have been some situations beyond our control, but we’ve always worked and made sure we could do what we needed for ourselves.   Neither of us would ever think to go ask

hardest job on Earth...

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I recently read an article that made me feel beyond better about myself!   I am one of those people that are very hard on themselves.   I lose my temper and feel bad for days about it and it can even come back to haunt me weeks later.   I question my decisions frequently and almost constantly when it comes to Anabeth.   I see and hear these moms say how much they just love their child and how much they love spending as much time with them as possible and it causes me almost physical pain sometimes to hear.   I can only think about times I’ve wanted a break from Anabeth.   Please know I love my child more than my own life, but there are times she can just make me crazy and those that know me know I don’t need help with that lol!   My child is honestly the most precious thing on the entire planet to me along with my husband, but there are times that I honestly just want to get in the car and leave ALONE.   I need time with friends or just by myself to recharge and appreciate what I have