What's "Normal"?!?

So, it's been almost a month since my mom died, but even for a few months before that, life wasn't "normal"! She hadn't been able to go to church, to the store, anywhere really and was on a crazy high dose of pain meds. Since then, it's only gotten crazier! It has honestly been a big blur for me. I'm having a hard time remembering what day of the week it is often. For me, I'm left with mixed feelings of relief for her and an empty feeling for myself. My child has struggled with random spurts of crying and acting out along with potty accidents and my brother, Melissa, and I have been cleaning out mom's house. It seems Anabeth knowing it's OK for her to be sad and cry, is helping her deal with her feelings a little better. As for me, my emotions come out of nowhere it seems sometimes. It's strange going through someones life...especially without them there! I still am not able to look at pictures with my mom in them more than a glance. It doesn't bother me being at her house though...seems strange sometimes to me that I can do certain things and not others. On Friday the 15th, her obituary was printed in the New Bern, NC paper and I received a phone call that her remains were being mailed to me. That was a tough day. This past Friday the 22nd, I left work early to make it to the post office to pick mom up and take her to her house. Mom got to ride in my new car and I played her favorite song on repeat! I sort of laughed to myself and it was surprisingly not a bad day for me. Saturday came and it was time to move my brother and Melissa into their new apartment and get furniture out of my mom's house that was going to them or Matt and I. It poured rain a couple times that gave us a break in the work load, but it was an all day event! Anabeth is very aware that some furniture in her Uncle David's apartment and now in her house were her Mimi's, but it doesn't seem to bother her. We did have an incident Saturday night though. Anabeth and I had gone home to get Matt's and my bedroom furniture emptied and cleaned off to get my mom's stuff moved in easier. Anabeth was going to pick out a movie to watch while mommy worked. Things in our house have been the same for at least 2 years, keep in mind. I am working on emptying drawers and suddenly hear a crash and scream! I run out to the living room...a little upset thinking she was getting into something...and saw her sitting on the floor in front of her movies. I see the empty wine bottle I had painted on a trip my mom, Matt, and I took to Aruba a few years ago and pick it up to put it back in it's place. I suddenly look down to see blood almost covering her forehead and a decent amount of her head. It's on her dress and I have to keep it together since I'm alone with her. I get her to the bathroom to get it cleaned up and get her calmed down. I then call Matt to let him know I have to take her to Urgent Care. They immediately take her back and get it cleaned up even more and fortunately find it's directly on her hairline in her part and will likely not show much of a scar after it heals. She did have to get 2 staples, but that was much less traumatic than stitches and it allowed me to get her a bath when we got back home to get the blood washed out of her hair! Once again, my child amazed me and the doctor and nurses with how tough she is as she barely whimpered while they put the staples in. She wasn't fooled though by the nurse who told her the stapler was a toy. After the nurse left, she looked at me upset "Mommy, was that really a toy?". I know, whenever I see that scar on her head, I'll always think of my mom and us painting those bottles together! All of this craziness to say that I don't believe life will ever be "normal" again. I have to say that minus my mom being gone though, this new "normal" is good. I'm closer to my family than I have been in years and I've gotten so much closer to my brother and sister-in-law. If we have a little faith and can look for the positives, God will bring us through any situation stronger than we were before! I would not have made it through these past few months without the love and support of my aunts, my cousins, my brother, Melissa, Matt, Anabeth, my dad, Cathy, Matt's parents, and some amazing friends! Even when people aren't physically here, the prayers, phone calls, cards, and packages mean so much more than they can ever imagine! To all that have been there in any way, I love you and I thank you with all my heart!

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