hardest job on Earth...

I recently read an article that made me feel beyond better about myself!  I am one of those people that are very hard on themselves.  I lose my temper and feel bad for days about it and it can even come back to haunt me weeks later.  I question my decisions frequently and almost constantly when it comes to Anabeth.  I see and hear these moms say how much they just love their child and how much they love spending as much time with them as possible and it causes me almost physical pain sometimes to hear.  I can only think about times I’ve wanted a break from Anabeth.  Please know I love my child more than my own life, but there are times she can just make me crazy and those that know me know I don’t need help with that lol!  My child is honestly the most precious thing on the entire planet to me along with my husband, but there are times that I honestly just want to get in the car and leave ALONE.  I need time with friends or just by myself to recharge and appreciate what I have.  When I’m away from Matt and/or Anabeth, I realize even more how much I love them both and it makes me appreciate them much more and gets me so excited to go home and see them.  I guess part of my problem is that I grew up with a mom that I honestly don’t think experienced more joy than when she was with me and my brother.  She enjoyed going to church and working, but I don’t think much if anything made her happier than us.  Don’t get me wrong…when I’m away from Anabeth, she almost always consumes my thoughts and conversations.  It is so nice though to not have to worry about what she may be trying to get into or that I’m not giving her enough attention or that I’m in some other way being a bad mom.  I was absolutely unprepared for how hard it is to be a parent.  People make it sound and look so easy and as I’ve said before, I was way more judgmental on parents before I had a child of my own.  It’s sincerely, without question, the hardest job a person could ever have…assuming they actually choose to raise their child, but that’s another blog session altogether!  It’s so easy to be hard on yourself because there’s so much that goes into raising a human being.  It’s not like a pet that if they misbehave, you’re likely the only one to know…your child is a reflection of you and your spouse and that puts pressure on like nothing else will.  I use to find myself constantly worrying about what other people would think of me for letting Anabeth do certain things or not letting her do some things, but then I realized that I’m responsible for her and no one else…except Matt.  Frankly, I wonder about other people’s parenting skills and catch myself so often reminding myself that every child is different and every parent is different and different isn’t a bad thing.  If we weren’t all different, the world would be a terribly boring place.  All of this to say, I’m going to start taking it a little easier on myself and realize I’m being the very best mom to Anabeth every second of every day and some days are just not going to be as good as others.  I will always begin and end each day with a hug, kiss, and telling her I love her no matter how upset or happy I may be at the moment because she needs to know that regardless of her actions, I love her unconditionally!