My Life...the candid version Part 3
So I made it through high school with the help of a few close friends and family. I met my very best friend in our freshman year, and she has certainly seen me through some of my best and worst times! We ended up going to separate schools for college and we drifted a little. My freshman year of college was one of the worst and hardest years of my life.
My boyfriend and I broke up soon after the year started, and it seemed like the end of the world. I got over it pretty quickly by reuniting with another high school friend and starting to go to parties. I drifted farther and farther from my Christian upbringing with my lifestyle, but I was having fun and didn't really care. I briefly dated a guy in my friend's fraternity, but soon found I wasn't his only girlfriend. I still went to parties there with my friends and one night ended up getting raped. This time, I had no recollection of it and I'll spare you the details of how I found out. I went to my friend and he basically told me that it was my fault for drinking so much. ANYONE READING THIS...it is NEVER your fault for being raped! The only thing I remembered was telling this guy no.
I was a total idiot and began dating my friend...who had made me believe being raped was my fault...and we had a severely dangerous, abusive relationship. I know, this is absolutely shocking based on his attitude toward one of his friends raping me! It was never physically abusive, but we were almost constantly screaming and cursing at each other.
At the end of my freshman year of college, I found out I was pregnant. I was scared out of my mind, but thought that my friend and I were in love and would work it out. I soon found out that his way of working it out was for me to have an abortion. I was in a bad position of not wanting to have a baby, but not wanting to have an abortion. It was against everything that I believed in and I had never imagined being in a position to have to even think of it. He told me that if I had the baby, he was going to tell people that I cheated on him and that it wasn't his. The only part of this that I regret is that I let him bully me into that decision.
I had a great friend that had been through this before and helped me. Soon after it happened, my mom found medication they give you and confronted me. My mom was absolutely fabulous about the situation and told me she only wished she could have been there to help me through it and let me know that it wasn't my only choice. Yes, that's just how awesome my mom was! I stayed in the relationship even after all of this happened and again, repressed most of the memories. It is sincerely amazing what your mind will do in an effort to protect you! This relationship lasted through my sophomore year and part of my junior year of college before I finally realized all of my friends were right and I needed to get away!
During my sophomore year, my mom's health was deteriorating and I began using alcohol at an astounding rate to numb the pain of everything that had happened to me as well as dealing with my mom being so sick. My junior year, I transferred to a 3rd and final college.
My boyfriend and I broke up soon after the year started, and it seemed like the end of the world. I got over it pretty quickly by reuniting with another high school friend and starting to go to parties. I drifted farther and farther from my Christian upbringing with my lifestyle, but I was having fun and didn't really care. I briefly dated a guy in my friend's fraternity, but soon found I wasn't his only girlfriend. I still went to parties there with my friends and one night ended up getting raped. This time, I had no recollection of it and I'll spare you the details of how I found out. I went to my friend and he basically told me that it was my fault for drinking so much. ANYONE READING THIS...it is NEVER your fault for being raped! The only thing I remembered was telling this guy no.
I was a total idiot and began dating my friend...who had made me believe being raped was my fault...and we had a severely dangerous, abusive relationship. I know, this is absolutely shocking based on his attitude toward one of his friends raping me! It was never physically abusive, but we were almost constantly screaming and cursing at each other.
At the end of my freshman year of college, I found out I was pregnant. I was scared out of my mind, but thought that my friend and I were in love and would work it out. I soon found out that his way of working it out was for me to have an abortion. I was in a bad position of not wanting to have a baby, but not wanting to have an abortion. It was against everything that I believed in and I had never imagined being in a position to have to even think of it. He told me that if I had the baby, he was going to tell people that I cheated on him and that it wasn't his. The only part of this that I regret is that I let him bully me into that decision.
I had a great friend that had been through this before and helped me. Soon after it happened, my mom found medication they give you and confronted me. My mom was absolutely fabulous about the situation and told me she only wished she could have been there to help me through it and let me know that it wasn't my only choice. Yes, that's just how awesome my mom was! I stayed in the relationship even after all of this happened and again, repressed most of the memories. It is sincerely amazing what your mind will do in an effort to protect you! This relationship lasted through my sophomore year and part of my junior year of college before I finally realized all of my friends were right and I needed to get away!
During my sophomore year, my mom's health was deteriorating and I began using alcohol at an astounding rate to numb the pain of everything that had happened to me as well as dealing with my mom being so sick. My junior year, I transferred to a 3rd and final college.
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