Regrets

I've been asked multiple times over my life if I have any regrets. I've said yes before and I've said no. I have rethought this question recently with the passing of a loved one and I realize I don't have any regrets. As the saying goes, hindsight is 20/20 and with that in mind, I truly believe that everything I've done...right or wrong...was what I was meant to do at the time. No, I've never been or thought I was close to perfect, but even my mistakes have molded who I am today. There are decisions I know I shouldn't have made at the time, but some of those decisions led me to my husband, which led to my beautiful child and others have led me to Florida where I'm close to some of my family. I have lived with some tough choices and I have cried over a lot of mistakes I've made, but I have learned that I have to get past these things. As long as I'm truly sorry, have learned a lesson, and asked for forgiveness, God has forgiven me and I have to forgive myself. I believe that's one of the hardest things to do. A couple of Sundays ago, Pastor John preached and I was really hit by the part of not being able to let go of things. We keep bringing up things from our past because we either think they were so bad that we need to beat ourselves up over it for the rest of our lives, or we come in contact with people or get in situations where we're reminded of them. I don't think we need to forget the past because there are some valuable lessons we learn through our lives, but we have to not keep feeling guilty about things we can't change. I honestly thought I wanted to live in Florida and I loved the St. Pete area. It became too expensive to stay and I wanted to be closer to my mom, so we moved to Jacksonville. I can sincerely say there are many things about this city I truly dislike, but what I love about it outweighs the bad when I make myself think about it. I have to stop complaining about everything because I can't change others...I can only change myself. I love my family and I love my church. I have everything I could ever need and more and I have to be happy with that and I am definitely on my way. I am growing to love that Jacksonville is where I married the man of my dreams (most of the time : )), had my first child, and get to spend time with my mom. I'm also grateful for a good job and friends that help me get over myself when I need to and let me cry to them when I need to do that also. Matt has been traveling for a little over a month now and I have truly made some great friends that are making me feel more like I'm at home. I can't keep wishing to be somewhere else when where I am is pretty good if I open my eyes. I miss a lot of people from my past and I try to stay in touch with them, but I also have a lot of people in the present that I have been blessed to meet and have a chance to know. The next few days will be a mix of emotions as I go home to see family and bury my great aunt, but I know that she's so happy now with her only child in heaven and I'm going to enjoy seeing family I don't get to see very often and getting a chance to meet my cousin's new son! Everything good and bad happens for a reason and you often have good and bad all at the same time!
A newer song "Blessings" by Laura Story is so fitting for this...

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

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