The truth about abortion
I have wanted to share some things about abortion for a while, but it never seemed like the right time. I wanted to share this for those who have thought about abortion, are considering abortion, think they'll never have one, and eventually for my daughters. There are things that abortion clinics and churches aren't willing to share about abortion and some they can't share unless they have personally had one.
The churches, in general, don't seem to want share the very important fact that you won't, in fact, go to hell if you have had or decide to have an abortion. Jesus will still love you despite your decision, just like all of the other sins humans commit. Abortion is equal to adultery in the eyes of Jesus. There isn't a scale of which sins are worse. The only unredeemable sin is not believing in and loving God. You also have a right to grieve the loss of your baby, whether it was something you wanted to do, or something you felt you had to do. This grieving process is not only permitted, but very necessary for healing!
Abortion clinics can't, or won't, tell you that it is one of the most physically and emotionally painful things you can do. It's a statistical fact that most women, even if they think they want the abortion at the time, end up regretting it later. It's actually also statistically true that when women are raped, they heal better if they have the baby and give it up for adoption than choosing to abort. It's a decision that lasts a lifetime, either way.
I know these things because while I was anti-abortion and a Christian (admittedly not living the life I should have been), I found myself having an abortion. I can tell you that I was forced to do it, but I wasn't. I most definitely felt forced, but I was mostly terrified. I had been living a life that I knew I shouldn't have been and I ended up pregnant my freshman year in college. I had actually accepted that I was pregnant and was, to my own surprise, happy about it...until I told the father. He made threats and more or less said I was on my own if I decided to have the baby. I didn't want to tell my parents that I had not only been doing a lot of things I had no business doing, but that now I would be either dropping out of college or I would need a lot more from them. Not that my parents wouldn't have wanted to help me, but I grew up in a family that never had a lot of money and I honestly didn't want to strap them anymore than I already had. I also was terrified for the baby because of choices I had made not knowing I was pregnant. The procedure, the days leading up to, and following are still very blurry, but I have a few distinct memories... 1. I can't remember a physical pain like that since. 2. I felt completely alone and betrayed by someone that had sworn they loved me. 3. I didn't think the pain, or the bleeding, would end. You see, having an abortion isn't really a pain free option to "get rid of a problem". It's a pain that you will never forget and that you will never get over. It will make you second guess decisions you make if you have children in the future and it can make you feel like you don't deserve and/or aren't fit to be a mother. Thankfully, I have since found a great husband and we have had 2 beautiful children!
Another thing I would like to bring up is the confusion/problem that I see with people who are anti-abortion AND against using aborted fetuses for anything. While in a perfect world, there wouldn't be abortion, I can honestly say that if there was something that my baby could have helped with, I would have absolutely supported it. I totally understand the desire to see abortion go away, but the reality is that it will never completely go away. All we can do is one of two things. 1. Make them unsafe and instead of one life, we could lose two. 2. Use these remains for a good cause. People donate organs to save lives, so I say we allow these babies to be used for things such as medical research and advances. This way, through a tragedy, something amazing can happen and their lives can be used for good and have a positive legacy.
I would also like to speak about how we talk about abortion. We seem to forget that there are always two parties involved in creating life. We don't hold men accountable for ending a life, only the women. We don't speak about these men being murderers, just the women. Men are under no obligation legally to help a woman financially, or otherwise, with a baby. If a woman wants or needs help from the man to be able to have the child, she is responsible for the costs of proving paternity as well as court costs to get child support, that he may or may not comply with. While so many want to say how terrible a woman is because she should be smarter, or abstain, men are equally responsible! Where is the shame for the men that push abortions on women they got pregnant or who refuse to take responsibility for the children they help create?
Lastly, if you believe in not having sex before marriage, I applaud you! Sincerely, I'm not being sarcastic. I truly wish I had. However, please don't ignore teaching your children the truth and vital information to keep them safe. Not only may your child make a mistake or just decide abstinence isn't for them, but what if your child ends up being a rape victim? We have to do a better job of protecting and educating our children because ignorance isn't bliss when your child ends up in a terrifying situation! Please teach your daughters what is acceptable behavior from men. Please teach them that while they can absolutely wear anything they want and it will not give a guy the right to touch or harass her, modesty is better in the end. Being modest isn't just for Christians, it's a great idea for everyone who respects themselves and wants others to respect them. Please teach your sons how to treat a woman. Teach them what is not acceptable for someone to do to them. Don't allow them to think someone is allowed to see them naked or touch them without permission. Whatever you do, instill your values and morals into your children...along with educating them on the bad side of the world. If you want to be anti-abortion, I understand. I wish we could never have the conversation again because it didn't exist. However, you can not be pro-life and against birth control, assistance for women that are on their own and want to keep their babies, or making adoption much more affordable. These are the things that will keep women from either unwanted pregnancies (via rape or consensual sex) or will let them know they will be able to make it if they have the baby without support.
To be clear, I am not sharing this because I think that everyone should be anti-abortion. I just think that people need to know the truth. I am not the person to come to if you want to be talked into or out of something because I will listen with compassion and then speak with the truth of my personal experience. Everyone's experience is different. I want women to feel heard and loved no matter what their situation is. People say that everyone has the choice, and while that is technically true, it's not always reality for people. I ended up going through a Bible study a few years ago that helped me finally deal with all of the emotions that I hadn't dealt with for over 10 years. If you ever feel like you need someone to talk to, even if I don't know you, please know I will listen! I didn't feel like I had a choice, even though I did, but it changed me in both good and bad ways. I realized after my abortion that I really did want to be a mom. I am a believer in the scripture that says God will work all things for his glory and I want to be able to share my story. If it helps even one person, it is worth making myself vulnerable and stepping out of my comfort zone.
The churches, in general, don't seem to want share the very important fact that you won't, in fact, go to hell if you have had or decide to have an abortion. Jesus will still love you despite your decision, just like all of the other sins humans commit. Abortion is equal to adultery in the eyes of Jesus. There isn't a scale of which sins are worse. The only unredeemable sin is not believing in and loving God. You also have a right to grieve the loss of your baby, whether it was something you wanted to do, or something you felt you had to do. This grieving process is not only permitted, but very necessary for healing!
Abortion clinics can't, or won't, tell you that it is one of the most physically and emotionally painful things you can do. It's a statistical fact that most women, even if they think they want the abortion at the time, end up regretting it later. It's actually also statistically true that when women are raped, they heal better if they have the baby and give it up for adoption than choosing to abort. It's a decision that lasts a lifetime, either way.
I know these things because while I was anti-abortion and a Christian (admittedly not living the life I should have been), I found myself having an abortion. I can tell you that I was forced to do it, but I wasn't. I most definitely felt forced, but I was mostly terrified. I had been living a life that I knew I shouldn't have been and I ended up pregnant my freshman year in college. I had actually accepted that I was pregnant and was, to my own surprise, happy about it...until I told the father. He made threats and more or less said I was on my own if I decided to have the baby. I didn't want to tell my parents that I had not only been doing a lot of things I had no business doing, but that now I would be either dropping out of college or I would need a lot more from them. Not that my parents wouldn't have wanted to help me, but I grew up in a family that never had a lot of money and I honestly didn't want to strap them anymore than I already had. I also was terrified for the baby because of choices I had made not knowing I was pregnant. The procedure, the days leading up to, and following are still very blurry, but I have a few distinct memories... 1. I can't remember a physical pain like that since. 2. I felt completely alone and betrayed by someone that had sworn they loved me. 3. I didn't think the pain, or the bleeding, would end. You see, having an abortion isn't really a pain free option to "get rid of a problem". It's a pain that you will never forget and that you will never get over. It will make you second guess decisions you make if you have children in the future and it can make you feel like you don't deserve and/or aren't fit to be a mother. Thankfully, I have since found a great husband and we have had 2 beautiful children!
Another thing I would like to bring up is the confusion/problem that I see with people who are anti-abortion AND against using aborted fetuses for anything. While in a perfect world, there wouldn't be abortion, I can honestly say that if there was something that my baby could have helped with, I would have absolutely supported it. I totally understand the desire to see abortion go away, but the reality is that it will never completely go away. All we can do is one of two things. 1. Make them unsafe and instead of one life, we could lose two. 2. Use these remains for a good cause. People donate organs to save lives, so I say we allow these babies to be used for things such as medical research and advances. This way, through a tragedy, something amazing can happen and their lives can be used for good and have a positive legacy.
I would also like to speak about how we talk about abortion. We seem to forget that there are always two parties involved in creating life. We don't hold men accountable for ending a life, only the women. We don't speak about these men being murderers, just the women. Men are under no obligation legally to help a woman financially, or otherwise, with a baby. If a woman wants or needs help from the man to be able to have the child, she is responsible for the costs of proving paternity as well as court costs to get child support, that he may or may not comply with. While so many want to say how terrible a woman is because she should be smarter, or abstain, men are equally responsible! Where is the shame for the men that push abortions on women they got pregnant or who refuse to take responsibility for the children they help create?
Lastly, if you believe in not having sex before marriage, I applaud you! Sincerely, I'm not being sarcastic. I truly wish I had. However, please don't ignore teaching your children the truth and vital information to keep them safe. Not only may your child make a mistake or just decide abstinence isn't for them, but what if your child ends up being a rape victim? We have to do a better job of protecting and educating our children because ignorance isn't bliss when your child ends up in a terrifying situation! Please teach your daughters what is acceptable behavior from men. Please teach them that while they can absolutely wear anything they want and it will not give a guy the right to touch or harass her, modesty is better in the end. Being modest isn't just for Christians, it's a great idea for everyone who respects themselves and wants others to respect them. Please teach your sons how to treat a woman. Teach them what is not acceptable for someone to do to them. Don't allow them to think someone is allowed to see them naked or touch them without permission. Whatever you do, instill your values and morals into your children...along with educating them on the bad side of the world. If you want to be anti-abortion, I understand. I wish we could never have the conversation again because it didn't exist. However, you can not be pro-life and against birth control, assistance for women that are on their own and want to keep their babies, or making adoption much more affordable. These are the things that will keep women from either unwanted pregnancies (via rape or consensual sex) or will let them know they will be able to make it if they have the baby without support.
To be clear, I am not sharing this because I think that everyone should be anti-abortion. I just think that people need to know the truth. I am not the person to come to if you want to be talked into or out of something because I will listen with compassion and then speak with the truth of my personal experience. Everyone's experience is different. I want women to feel heard and loved no matter what their situation is. People say that everyone has the choice, and while that is technically true, it's not always reality for people. I ended up going through a Bible study a few years ago that helped me finally deal with all of the emotions that I hadn't dealt with for over 10 years. If you ever feel like you need someone to talk to, even if I don't know you, please know I will listen! I didn't feel like I had a choice, even though I did, but it changed me in both good and bad ways. I realized after my abortion that I really did want to be a mom. I am a believer in the scripture that says God will work all things for his glory and I want to be able to share my story. If it helps even one person, it is worth making myself vulnerable and stepping out of my comfort zone.
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