It's OK to be human!

If any of you know me or have read my blogs, you know my life hasn't been full of sunshine and rainbows. I have almost always chosen to suck it up and move on instead of playing the victim. There are times in anyone's life though, where you have a pity party...and that's OK! For anyone reading this that doesn't know me, I am a wife and mother of a 6 year old and 5 month old daughter. I also have 2 large dogs that are the sweetest, and most annoying creatures on the planet...and I think they must think the same thing of me lol. I am very flawed. I curse...which is one thing that I hate about myself. I know a lot of people don't think it's a big deal, but I just wish I could stop because I don't think it's very classy and it doesn't reflect my values and morals. I lose my temper, easily! This is another trait that I could live without and I know my kiddos and husband wouldn't miss it! Most recently though, as you read, I had a baby. This baby was a surprise. Not only was she a surprise, but I went through a little time of not only shock, but of not being sure I really wanted her. This was a child that I had prayed for and had others praying for over many years. My husband had decided that he didn't want anymore children, and I had honestly accepted that we were just going to be a family of 3. I didn't like the prospect of going through the pregnancy alone...my mom died 2 years before I found out I was pregnant, and my husband is still working so much required overtime that he couldn't make most appointments. My mom wasn't just my mom, she was my best friend. I literally talked to her every single day and she was at almost every appointment I had when I was pregnant with my 6 year old. It was made worse by my intense feelings of guilt. My brother and sister-in-law have been trying to have a baby for a long time with no baby to show for it. I was going to turn 35 while I was pregnant, and honestly had wanted to have all my kids by then. I wrestled with all of these emotions for a long time. I had some excitement mixed in, but it was hard. I was finally coming around to being mostly excited when we found out that our baby had some kind of a problem and they really wouldn't be able to tell us what until she was born. I've posted a blog about her problems, so I won't take up much space here with it, but just to say that I feel even more guilt for every time I get annoyed with my baby or I wish my husband could just take her for a few minutes of peace. I feel like I should want to be with her every second and I should suck up the bad moments and somehow enjoy them too. I feel this way because I KNOW how extremely blessed and fortunate I am to have two beautiful children...even when they do drive me to the brink of insanity...because there are so many people that can't have one. However, I KNOW also, that it's ok. No one can enjoy and appreciate every single moment of their life because sometimes, life just sucks. Having a baby in the hospital, just sucks. Having your mom die when she's only 57, just sucks. Having to deal with all of life's many ups and downs sucks, but it takes us where we're meant to be and as long we appreciate what we have an enjoy it as much as we can, it's OK to be human and admit that life isn't all sunshine and rainbows...it's more like roses...beautiful, but with the occasional thorn that can cause bumps along the way. You'll never find someone more grateful for their family and their life than me, but I've learned that I'm only human and having to put a screaming baby down and walk away to scream elsewhere for a minute is ok! If I need to leave my house to get away from my family that's driving me crazy for a few minutes, that's ok. Whatever you realize you need to do for sanity and not to mistreat others...it's OK! Being a mom is already taking on more than most humans, so for all my mom friends...let's take a breath and realize we're doing pretty good as long as our family knows their loved!

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