My Crazy, Beautiful Life

I have had some very rough times in life, but I have always tried to focus on the positive and learn from the negative. I don't like to hear people complaining about things that are either blessings or are things they can change. With all of that being said, I just wanted to lay out some of my daily struggles as a full-time working mom and wife. I struggle wondering...                                    Do I love my husband enough, but then I keep in mind I choose to love him every day and love him more than the day before! Do I love my child enough, but then I keep in mind that no one, other than God, loves her more!  Do I give my best at work, but then I realize that almost every day I do and on the days I don't, I can't beat myself up because everyone has off days! Am I a good enough Chr...

As I'm closing in on a year without my mom, it's been a crazy year! It's been great in many respects, but stressful and tough in almost as many! I can honestly say I've breathed easier knowing my mom is no longer suffering after watching her suffer for SO many years. I also have a peace knowing she's been spending the past year with her children she lost from miscarriages as well as other family and friends that had gone on before her. I've thrown myself into raising money and awareness for the disease that sucked the life out of her...Scleroderma, but if you're on my facebook page to read this...you already know that :-) It's been amazing watching Anabeth grow into an even more beautiful, smart, and compassionate young lady. She still has her moments, as any of us do, but she's an amazing little girl! We're coming to the end of her first soccer season and it's been interesting and fun to watch her learn to play a team sport. When she decided...

As 2012 has ended and 2013 is beginning, I am called to reflect on this past year. As with all the 33 years I've lived, each one brings good times and bad times. This year brought one of the worst, darkest times in my life...the death of my mom. It also started out on a bad note with mine and my mom's health not being the best. However, it started out with my husband having a permanent job locally and no longer having to travel. It also was the end of my mom's suffering and the beginning of her faith becoming a reality. As hard as it was to let go, I have hope and faith that I will see her again and I won't have to see her ever again in pain! This year has tested my faith not only in having my mom suffer and die, but in tribulations with family and friends. I have had the amazing experience, however, of becoming good friends with my sister-in-law, becoming closer with my brother, and getting to spend the last few months of my mom's life with her almost daily. I have...

Life is tough. It doesn't seem to get easier as time goes on...only harder. Thankfully I'm learning to look for the bright spots whether it's a minute of a day or an entire day that I can keep with me to make me smile when I don't want to. This year has been the toughest so far and mostly for the obvious reason of not having my mom anymore. It's still so surreal to me that she's not here, but I have a great peace knowing not only that she's not suffering, but having the faith and hope that she's now with Jesus. I know not all of my friends share my beliefs and I would never want to push my beliefs on anyone else, but for me, without this hope, I don't know how I'd get through a lot of days! From the words of "Forgive Me" by Group1Crew... "You couldn't pay me to abandon the idea of true hope; That I could make it through this life into a place where there's no crying; I'm dying to find You with open arms when I go; Kno...

I know I posted something similar a while back, but since this is the season for presidential election, I feel the need to post again. I am a registered Democrat. I am also a Christian. I don't think that being a Democrat means I can't be a Christian, which I've heard from many people. I am also opposed to abortion under any circumstances as well as people that are lazy and let our government support them. I also, however, KNOW that outlawing abortion isn't going to stop it. If you want to make a difference in our society or in an individual's life, hating them for something or outlawing something isn't going to stop it! I also believe that cutting all government assistance isn't the answer to making people go to work. People that want to work and support themselves and their families are going to do it whether they have to or not. The answer is making the requirements for such assistance more strict and making the people that are able to work actively seek ...

So, it's been almost a month since my mom died, but even for a few months before that, life wasn't "normal"! She hadn't been able to go to church, to the store, anywhere really and was on a crazy high dose of pain meds. Since then, it's only gotten crazier! It has honestly been a big blur for me. I'm having a hard time remembering what day of the week it is often. For me, I'm left with mixed feelings of relief for her and an empty feeling for myself. My child has struggled with random spurts of crying and acting out along with potty accidents and my brother, Melissa, and I have been cleaning out mom's house. It seems Anabeth knowing it's OK for her to be sad and cry, is helping her deal with her feelings a little better. As for me, my emotions come out of nowhere it seems sometimes. It's strange going through someones life...especially without them there! I still am not able to look at pictures with my mom in them more than a glance. It doe...

It all began on March 21, 1955 when my mom was born the baby of her family. She taught herself to play the piano and organ so she could get involved with church at a young age. Around the age of 17 she married my dad and at age 18, she took in 3 of my cousins to raise so they wouldn't be separated in foster care. She had my brother soon after and then me 5 years after my brother. My mom worked 2 jobs often to make sure we were all taken care of. She never considered any of this a sacrifice, only what needed to be done! She worked for various doctors' offices over the years and when I was in elementary school, she decided to go to college. She worked the whole time she was in school making sure we had everything we needed! I remember my dad and her taking a trip to Mexico to teach and my brother and I stayed with my grandparents. That was the kind of experience my mom lived for. She always wanted to be a missionary and her only mistake was not realizing you can be a missionary w...