My Crazy, Beautiful Life

I wanted to address the main traumatic events that I've been through and what I did wrong and right with each situation. Please know, I absolutely realize that each person is totally different, but I just wanted to give some things to think about if you're dealing with these things and feeling lost. Also, if you know of someone that could benefit from my story, please share my blog with them. Also, if you or anyone you know would like to talk or just have someone to cry to/with, please use or pass along my email address alij1217@yahoo.com and I'll be happy to give you or them my phone number or we can just email! First thing was dealing with being raped. The first time I was raped, I was in high school and I don't think I told anyone until I told my husband before we were married. The second time, I was in college and told a few people, but it was quickly swept under the rug and "forgotten" about. What I did wrong was that I didn't deal with it. To deal...

So, if you're reading this, you've hung in through 5 parts of my life story. Thanks for hanging in with me! After I graduated from college and moved away from not only my hometown, but home state, I SLOWLY started my journey back to my Christian roots. As much as people that know me think I'm super outgoing and never shy...it sincerely overwhelms me to go places alone. Now, that doesn't include shopping and regular things, but going to a new church, starting a new job where I don't know anyone...totally overwhelming and intimidating experiences for me. For this reason, I really didn't start going to church again regularly until I moved to St. Pete, FL and I had my mom to go with me to try out a church. I met some people and began regularly attending church and a cool young adults program they had during the week. I also got involved in a ladies' Bible study. As I said in my "love story", my husband moved to St. Pete about a year after I did. At tha...

So this is the next to last part of my story. I feel like it deserves it's own post because it's the best part of my story. So, this guy that I met and was predicted to marry...he turned out to be pretty special, but it wasn't an easy process! We had eaten lunch together at work every day and he would say he wanted to come play tennis with me since we both enjoyed it. Months of this go on and never does he come over and I begin to lose faith! Finally one day, he asks me to go to dinner. I sincerely thought he asked me by mistake, so I confirmed that he really meant to ask me! We go eat dinner and I invite him to watch a movie or something, but we end up going our separate ways. A week or so later, I'm taking a friend to school as his car was flooded in a storm. I run out of gas in an area of the city I know nothing about. I have one phone number of anyone in the city and you guessed it...this boy! I call him and ask if he can bring me some gas. He comes to the rescue ...

So, the last one was just covering a couple of years, but as you saw, it was a pretty dramatic couple of years. I've now made it to my junior year of college...or really my second sophomore year because I wasted my first one with too much alcohol and not going to class. I was reunited with my best friend and she convinced me to go out for her sorority. This was something I never imagined doing as I really didn't care for most of the girls I'd met from sororities. However, I found a group of girls that was a lot like me. For the first part of the year, I was still dating my friend from high school, but long distance relationships and me never got along well! I was still doing a lot of drinking, but I took school more seriously as I knew I wanted to graduate and had to go to class and study to do so. I was in limbo about what I wanted to major in since I'd found my original major included too many classes I had absolutely no interest in. I finally decided on health info...

So I made it through high school with the help of a few close friends and family. I met my very best friend in our freshman year, and she has certainly seen me through some of my best and worst times! We ended up going to separate schools for college and we drifted a little. My freshman year of college was one of the worst and hardest years of my life. My boyfriend and I broke up soon after the year started, and it seemed like the end of the world. I got over it pretty quickly by reuniting with another high school friend and starting to go to parties. I drifted farther and farther from my Christian upbringing with my lifestyle, but I was having fun and didn't really care. I briefly dated a guy in my friend's fraternity, but soon found I wasn't his only girlfriend. I still went to parties there with my friends and one night ended up getting raped. This time, I had no recollection of it and I'll spare you the details of how I found out. I went to my friend and he basica...

So, if you stuck with me through the last post and want to read more...here you go. I should start this out by saying that I became a Christian when I was young, in elementary school. I took church seriously and enjoyed all the activities and summer camps they had! When we moved away from my hometown, however, it was the beginning of an awkward stage for me and my world was soon to be rocked. We moved away from the only place I'd ever called home...yes, I'd had several places we lived, but the overall hometown. I was painfully shy due to wearing glasses since the second grade as well as knowing that my body was different from the other girls! I developed early in life...much to my dismay...and I was made fun of, almost daily, for years. In the 7th grade, I had my first kiss. Back in those days, it was my first "boyfriend". I was never popular, but it bothered me very little. I always had one close friend, and that was always enough for me. During the time we were he...

So, I want to warn anyone reading this that it is a serious, but hopefully at times light-hearted, story of me. If you read the entire thing, your view of me will most definitely change as I'm going to reveal deep secrets...seriously. I will preface this post  by saying that I'm one of a few people that doesn't have many memories of my childhood. Also, I will not name any names and I am not looking for and I do not want any pity. My only goal in this is that if someone reads it and has gone through something similar, maybe they'll reach out to me and maybe I can offer them some comfort even if it's just to know they're not alone! If you know me at all, you most likely either think of me as a straight-laced Christian, a crazy party girl, or some mix of the two. As I believe I've said before, I was born into a house with an older brother and 3 older cousins living there. My mom had taken in my 3 cousins that were siblings so they wouldn't be separated. ...

I have had some very rough times in life, but I have always tried to focus on the positive and learn from the negative. I don't like to hear people complaining about things that are either blessings or are things they can change. With all of that being said, I just wanted to lay out some of my daily struggles as a full-time working mom and wife. I struggle wondering...                                    Do I love my husband enough, but then I keep in mind I choose to love him every day and love him more than the day before! Do I love my child enough, but then I keep in mind that no one, other than God, loves her more!  Do I give my best at work, but then I realize that almost every day I do and on the days I don't, I can't beat myself up because everyone has off days! Am I a good enough Chr...

As I'm closing in on a year without my mom, it's been a crazy year! It's been great in many respects, but stressful and tough in almost as many! I can honestly say I've breathed easier knowing my mom is no longer suffering after watching her suffer for SO many years. I also have a peace knowing she's been spending the past year with her children she lost from miscarriages as well as other family and friends that had gone on before her. I've thrown myself into raising money and awareness for the disease that sucked the life out of her...Scleroderma, but if you're on my facebook page to read this...you already know that :-) It's been amazing watching Anabeth grow into an even more beautiful, smart, and compassionate young lady. She still has her moments, as any of us do, but she's an amazing little girl! We're coming to the end of her first soccer season and it's been interesting and fun to watch her learn to play a team sport. When she decided...